What happens when we stop pretending we’re fine?

Most struggles do not look the way we expect them to.

It is possible to go to work, answer texts, laugh with friends, and post online while privately feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, or hopeless. Many people are quietly struggling, all while trying to convince themselves that everyone else has life figured out.

Sometimes pretending we are fine feels easier than trying to explain what is really going on. During Mental Health Awareness Month, conversations often focus on crisis. But as Justine, a volunteer facilitator with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), points out, support matters long before someone reaches a breaking point.

“Mental illness is an illness,” she explained. “It’s not something people can just snap out of.”

This misunderstanding is one reason so many people wait before asking for help. Mental health struggles are often treated differently from physical illnesses because they are not always visible. Someone may look completely fine on the outside, while inside, they feel like they are barely holding themselves together.

There is also the fear that opening up will make others uncomfortable. Many people worry about being judged, misunderstood, or becoming a burden to those around them. So, they stay quiet instead.

Social media can make that silence feel even heavier.

Online, people tend to share only the best parts of their lives. Everyone appears productive, happy, social, successful, and emotionally put together. Over time, it is easy to start believing that everyone else has found a way to avoid struggling. But that is not their true reality.

A lot of people are carrying things that nobody else can see. Sometimes struggle is obvious, but more often it looks ordinary. It might show up as emotional exhaustion, isolation, trouble sleeping, loss of motivation, feeling numb, or constantly distracting yourself to avoid being alone with your thoughts. Some people cope by staying busy every moment. Others escape into screens, work, substances, or endless scrolling because distraction feels easier than slowing down and facing what is under the surface. But avoiding our emotions does not make them go away.

“I think sometimes people just need someone to listen,” Justine said. “Not a judge. Just listen.”

That simple idea is part of why NAMI’s support groups exist. Their Connection Support Group gives people experiencing mental health challenges a place to talk openly with others who understand. The Family Support Group helps loved ones support someone struggling without feeling alone themselves.

The groups are structured intentionally. Everyone has an opportunity to speak, but no one is required to. Some people attend their first meetings without saying a single word. They just listen. Over time, many slowly begin to open up after realizing they are in a space where they will not be judged.

“It’s really nice to come to a place where people can accept you,” Justine shared. Having that kind of acceptance often matters more than people realize.

Not everyone who is struggling needs someone to solve all their problems right away. Sometimes, what helps most is honesty, patience, and reassurance that it is safe to talk about what they are feeling. Support can look less like fixing someone and more like sitting beside them while they figure things out for themselves.

Justine emphasized the importance of approaching people without judgment and simply leaving the door open. “I understand how you’re feeling,” she said. “But if you ever feel like you want to reach out, I’m here for you.” These conversations may seem small, but they can mean a great deal to someone who feels isolated.

Mental health awareness is not just about recognizing a crisis after it happens. It is also about learning to notice when someone is struggling earlier. It means checking in honestly, listening a little longer, and creating spaces where people feel safe enough to admit they are struggling without feeling weak or ashamed.

The truth is, many people are carrying things that nobody else knows about. And maybe what helps most is knowing we do not have to carry it alone.

Learn more about helping the people in your life throughNAMI!

And if you or someone you know needs help, you can reach out today at:

MentalHealthWW, Connecting you with Mental Health Professionals in the Walla Walla Valley.

SuicidePrevention, please call or text 988.

AccessMentalHealthCare, please call or text (509) 876 - 0285.

The space between crisis and healing

In Walla Walla, there’s a quiet kind of grief that doesn’t always make the news: the families, friends, and classmates who carry unanswered questions.

There are silent struggles that everyone is going through, it is more common than most people realize. Especially the kind that follows loss—the unanswered texts, the empty chair in class, the ache that settles in a community that doesn’t know what to say. There is always a need we can meet for those struggling with mental health, whether that's prevention, intervention, or postvention.

In light of International Suicide Survivors Day on November 21st. We are recognizing Blue Mountain Health Cooperative, an organization that steps in to address the overwhelming need for crisis support. A space between crisis and healing; a place where people don’t have to face the silence alone.

For someone waiting weeks to see a counselor, BMHC is a free, student-run mental health clinic that offers same-day appointments. For families reeling after loss, they provide postvention support, showing up with quiet steadiness when words feel impossible. For those unsure where to start, they help navigate resources, walking alongside until help feels reachable. “There are days when it feels like the need is endless,” says Ryan McKown, executive director of BMHC. “But then you see one person show up, one student gets the help they need, and it reminds you why we started.” This bridge work doesn’t always make headlines, but it saves lives—both literally and emotionally. It’s the kind of care that rebuilds hope, one relationship at a time.

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the crisis itself,” says Ryan. “It’s the space that comes after—when everyone assumes you’re okay, but you’re still trying to find your footing.”

For Ryan, this work is more than professional—it’s deeply personal. When he stepped into leadership at BMHC, he carried with him a conviction that no one should face pain in isolation. Under his guidance, BMHC has become a place where hope feels tangible. Training community members and university students in suicide awareness, walking alongside families after loss, and creating a space where healing begins with connection.

BMHC has focused on being that crucial bridge between crisis lines and long-term care, between hurt-filled people and the help needed, between silence and connection. Partnering with the City of Walla Walla, they’ve helped strengthen community response systems, while also navigating the growing demand for mental health services and the strain it places on local providers. Yet even as the need grows, the clinic itself faces uncertainty: meeting a critical need that may soon be jeopardized due to limited funding and resources. Through it all, Ryan leads with presence more than policy—the kind that invites both his staff and the community to slow down, to listen, and to show up.

As he often reminds his team, “Healing happens in relationships. We can’t erase someone’s pain, but we can make sure they don’t face it alone… At the end of the day, this is about presence,” says Ryan. “We can’t promise to fix everything, but we can promise to stay—and that changes things.”

As International Suicide Survivors Day reminds us, no one is meant to do this alone. If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential help is always available.

And for students who want to be part of the change, there are opportunities to make a difference in places you might not expect. Whether it’s through an internship, practicum, or volunteering, you can help build a community where showing up for one another isn’t the exception—it’s the norm.

If this is an initiative that you would like to support, click here to donate.